5 Simple Steps to Overcome the Feeling of Being Stuck in Life
Originally published in Medium publication Change Your Mind, Change Your Life
There have been several notable moments in my life when I have felt stuck. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and every other possible way.
The funny thing is that when you feel stuck, you don’t want to share that with others because you feel like you are the only one who feels that way. And you think that there is something wrong with feeling stuck.
Somehow, our high-achiever and perfectionist society has convinced us that we always need to have everything planned out from the early days.
I felt that way since High school years when our career teacher emphasized that we need to know what career we will pursue by the time we graduate from Highschool.
Asking that question to 18-year olds is too much of a pressure. I have started four different degrees. Two of them I have finished, but I don’t use almost any of the knowledge in my life. One degree I did not finish. And another degree is still in progress.
Sure my 18-year-old me did not know what she’ll want to do in life.
I want to say that it is ok to feel stuck at some moments of your life. This feeling is simply a signal that one season of life has passed, and now it’s time for a different season.
The question is, what are we doing about it? Are we holding to something outdated in our lives because we fear what others might say? Are we afraid of living out our true potential and finding how powerful we are?
Here are five simple steps to help you get unstuck:
Let Yourself Be
Accept the situation as it is. Acknowledge and accept the way you feel at this moment.
Do some self-reflection. Journal, what are you worried about. What fears do you have right now? Ask yourself, “What are the reasons why I feel stuck right now?” “What are my biggest fears and concerns right now?” “Are those fears and concerns true?”
The first step to a change is awareness. Part of awareness is accepting the way how you feel.
It is ok to give yourself time, space and compassion.
Don’t worry about what other people are saying. Let go of their opinions and expectations.
Realize That Your Have the Power
One of the biggest things that hold many people back is the victim mindset. Sounds scary (like many people would feel, “No, I don’t have it!”), but most people have it in one area of their lives or another.
A victim mindset is when you feel that you don’t have control over your life (or that specific area of your life). You feel like things happen to you, and you can’t do anything about it.
Victim mindset does not always mean organizing pity parties for yourself. Victim mindset can be simply not taking action — not taking the right action, and not embracing the positive mindset that would get you out of your situation.
We are conscious creators of our own lives because we have the power over our minds.
Controlling thoughts is not easy, especially if you have developed specific thinking patterns for many years.
Yet, it is always worth it. Once we learn to control what is going on in our inner worlds, we have the power to impact our external realities by our words, actions, choices, and behavior.
Realize that you have the power inside of you to change the situation you are in. You can start the change by figuring out what would make you happy, what you want, and your purpose for the next season of your life.
P.S. Sometimes, the first and second step — let yourself be and realize you have power takes a longer time and requires more profound work with yourself.
The reasons for being stuck may be limiting beliefs, unreleased emotions, mental blocks, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, negative self-image, low self-esteem, etc. I can’t cover everything here as it would be a too-long article, but I have other articles about these topics if you click on the links previously.
It is good to seek help from a trustworthy friend, therapist, coach, mentor or enroll in some personal development courses.
Get Clear on Your Values
This is a crucial step for many people because one of the biggest reasons for feeling stuck is that they live out other people’s expectations.
To achieve authentic happiness and well-being, you need to become clear on what are your values. Not your parents, teachers, bosses, colleagues, friends, or even your significant other’s values, if you have one.
Building life based on others’ values and expectations if they don’t truly feel like your own will get you at the dead-end road sooner or later.
Sit down with yourself for a quiet moment and write down your Top 10 values. There are many different value lists available. Here is one from the best-selling author James Clear.
When you have written down values that you want to embody the most, prioritize them. You want to be clear on what are your Top 3 most important values.
This simple exercise will help you understand what you are doing in your life right now that does not match with values that feel true for you. Most likely, that is what has got you stuck in the first place.
Figure out What You Want to Do and Why
When you are clear on your values, it is easier for you to figure your next steps forward to get you unstuck.
Perhaps you are stuck in a job you don’t like. Ask yourself, “What is something that gives me joy and that I would love to do?”
Or maybe you are stuck in a relationship that does not serve you anymore. Ask yourself, “Does being in this relationship help me to stay true to my top values or rather restrain me?”
What is the ideal outcome you would like?
What would make you feel fulfilled?
What dreams have been burning in your heart for many years, but you have not yet acted upon them?
What impact do you want to make?
What talents would you like to serve other people with?
What are your talents?
What skills you’d like to learn?
Once you have a clearer picture of what you truly want, ask yourself, “Why is that important to me?”
“Why do I want to live a certain type of lifestyle?” “Why do I want to earn X amount of money?” “Why do I want to help others in that specific way?”
Becoming clear on why exactly you want something is crucial to achieving it. A strong why helps you develop a burning desire to achieve it. And once you really, really want something, you will achieve it.
Clarify Your Vision
Once you have gotten clear on your what and why, you can work on clarifying your vision. There are many different exercises on how to do that. I like the most writing down my one-year vision, three-year vision, and five-year vision where I want to be after those years.
And I also love creating a Life-Book. It is a simple yet very effective tool that I learned about in a Mindvalley Masterclass led by Jon & Missy Butchers. It consists of selecting pictures and writing down action statements that state your vision in all these different areas of your life: Health & Fitness, Intellectual Life, Emotional Life, Character, Spiritual Life, Love Relationship, Parenting, Social Life, Business (Career), Finance, Quality of Life.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to take time to figure out your life vision. I have lost 2–3 important years of my life because I was floating around without my vision. I have written a story about it here.
And I see many people wasting even more time — five years, ten years, twenty years, all their life?!
Takeaway
Like I mentioned in the beginning, it is nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling stuck. It is a healthy sign that you are ready for changes in your life. Life consists of seasons, and nothing stays the same. We need to move along.
But the big question is, what are you going to do with it — with feeling stuck? Are you going to take time for self-reflection to figure out what you need to change and figure out your vision for the next season of life? Or are you going to stay stuck in the victim mindset, afraid to step out and make bold changes in your life?
