Why Failure Is Not Such A Bad Thing?
Rethinking Failure From A Quantum Physics Perspective
Originally published in Medium publication The Innovation.
Failure is one of the most common things of human existence. Yet, we are so much afraid of failure and try to avoid it by all means. If we think about the possibility of a failure, we automatically think of low self-esteem and confidence, lack of others’ respect, and feeling of being a loser.
Nobody wants to fail.
Everybody wants to succeed.
Nothing wrong with that, of course.
Yet, we have underestimated the necessary positive effect failure can have in our lives.
And we have underestimated the fact that no one can go to the mountain top before first conquering the highs and lows of the valley.
Lessons From Quantum Physics
In the book The Possibility Principle, psychotherapist Mel Schwartz teaches us to apply quantum physics principles to the way we view life and ourselves and make decisions. He invites us to rethink many things, such as individuality, relationships, success, self-esteem, vulnerability. And also a failure.
Indeed, we are fearful and anxious about making mistakes. This fear is based on our worldview as we seek certainty and predictability and want to avoid the unknown.
“The more we seek certainty and predictability, the greater our fear of making mistakes.”
As Mel Schwartz writes, this worldview is born out of Newton’s science and Descartes’s philosophy. Newton saw the world as a perfect machine — everything is determined. Everything is measurable, and a machine either works or doesn’t. Descartes defined science as “certain and evident cognition,” which means that we can believe only what is perfectly known and incapable of being doubted.
We can see how our view of failure as a set being or a fixed place is a result of this type of worldview. We view things like this: ”we have made a mistake — we have failed — we are failures. The way how to get out of this is to succeed.” But such thinking steals us our potential.
“Mistakes and failures are cultural constructs rooted in the either-or thinking that we’ve been exploring and that would have us believe that we must have simple and clear, right and wrong choices”
Quantum physics shows us that we can look at reality entirely differently. The quantum reality exists in what is known as a series of probability waves, with an infinite number of potential outcomes. As long as we do not know the state of any object, it actually exists in all possible states simultaneously. The very act of observation reduces the wave (potential) to a fixed thing — a particle. The observer impacts the outcome.
Every choice, thought, and action holds in itself the potential to be something different. As we think and choose, we create reality and assign meaning to things and events. If we see something as a failure and assign a negative connotation to that, that’s what it will be. If we see it as part of the learning process, we will reap the benefits of wisdom and deeper understanding.
What If Failure Is Not As Bad As We Think?
“The notion of failure is simply a belief that the mind has created, based on the tendency of the classical worldview to compare and measure.” — Mel Schwartz
Could the problem be not as much the fear of failure and mistakes, but how we are taught to view these constructs?
We are taught that failing is bad, and success is good. It is either success or failure. Either you are good or bad. Right or wrong.
When kids learn in school, they get an angry look from the teacher and parents if they fail the test. This builds their self-image — “I am a failure”.They see this as a fixed state of being, limiting their potential of achieving what is possible.
What if the kids hear: “You are not a failure. It is ok to make mistakes. It is part of the learning process. You will figure it out”? They will learn not to be afraid of mistakes and embrace failure as part of the growth process.
“The concept of a mistake is tied to the larger notion of failure. Just as there is really no such thing as a mistake, I would offer that there is really no such thing as failure. Imagine watching a toddler struggling to take his first steps, only to fall. How ridiculous would it be for us to proclaim that he failed! He simply hasn’t yet mastered the skill of walking. Success has not yet been reached. It is altogether human to struggle as we move toward what we’re trying to achieve. To refer to this process as failure is destructive and self-defeating.” — Mel Schwartz
Fear of making mistakes and failing can paralyze people from taking the action necessary to grow and develop their full potential. I have seen people (and been there myself) who doubt themselves hundredfold before they make a decision, and sometimes they don’t even make one. Not making a decision is also a decision, though.
When I was selling educational books in the USA door-to-door, I remember situations when I was afraid to approach families. Funny enough, many times, those were referrals that I was afraid to approach — people recommended by other customers of mine.
Since I knew their name and who recommended them, I was worried to spoil this warm contact, so I was waiting for the magical moment when I felt most confident approaching them. Often, that moment never came because they went on a vacation or just weren’t home.
My inability to make a decision and procrastination because of fear of making a mistake cost me never meeting that family and them never purchasing the set of reference books.
“No single correct decision or pathway exists in the process of becoming.”
Self-criticism is what kills us, not the mistake itself. And self-forgiveness is a necessary thing to practice.
Usually, when people make a mistake or fail, they tend to criticize and judge themselves. They assume that mistakes and failure prevent them from the future they want. So, by avoiding taking any action, they miss out on having the right mindset and taking action today to reap the benefits of what we have learned.
The problem is not that mistakes and failures are bad because they delay us from reaching our goals and achieving success. The problem is that we are conditioned to view mistakes and failure as something bad.
“When we see reality operating from a fixed place, we unthinkingly try to hold on to what is and ward off certain change.” — Mel Schwartz
Benefits Of Failing
“Insights born out of what we call mistakes are necessary for our psychological, emotional, and spiritual growth.” — Mel Schwartz
As Mel Schwartz writes then, “the paradox is that the consequences that we try so hard to avoid may be precisely what we need to experience.”
We need to acquire a certain amount of wisdom before we are ready to step into the next level of our lives’ success. We can develop this wisdom only through experience. If we avoid these painful experiences, we might never get ready for the next breakthrough. It is like a game — you need to finish Level 1 and 2, and 3 before you get to Level 4.
“What we call mistakes or failures not only are learning opportunities, but also often open new doors for us.”
It is possible that your failed relationship for which you blame yourself taught you exactly what you needed to be prepared to meet the love of your life.
It is possible that your biggest mistake in your career or business can be precisely what you learn to master so well you can teach it to others. And that can serve as the stepping stone for the next breakthrough in your life.
It is possible that your financial mistakes revealed your negative, limiting beliefs about money, and by fixing them, you can learn to acquire wealth.
It is possible that your fiasco in public speaking motivates you to master this skill, and you become admirably great at this and learn to love it.
In all these situations, everything depends on how we choose to view mistakes and failure. Either as a fixed state of being or a necessary step in the growth process leading us towards the best version of ourselves.
We can turn our greatest weakness into a strength.
We can turn our greatest mistake into a blessing.
Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid to not take action.
And eventually, when we learn to let go of self-blame, self-criticism, and sadness about failures, we can be present enough to make a wise decision about our next steps.
“Freeing ourselves from the fear of making mistakes, paradoxically, usually enables us to make clearer and more sensible decisions.” — Mel Schwartz
Takeaway
It is captivating to realize that how we have thought about failure and mistakes have been cultural constructs. These cultural constructs have been born out of classical science, which views humans as mere cogs in the machine. Everything is measurable with machines, everything is certain, everything is “either it is working, or it is not working.”
That is how we have learned to see failure only as the opposite of success. Yet, quantum physics teaches us that failure is not a fixed state of being. It is just a necessary step in the process of becoming. The possibility of the outcome depends on us — how we decide to view failure and mistakes.
Learning to accept failure and mistakes without self-judgment can help us embrace the lessons we can learn from them to turn these failures into blessings. Without mistakes and failures, we cannot achieve true success. True success is built on the wisdom we can only acquire through experience. And it is not a set destination but rather an everlasting process of becoming the best version of ourselves. There are successes and failures along the way.
Have you been procrastinating on taking action on your boldest plans and dreams because you fear that you might fail?
Perhaps you have failed before, and it has been painful enough so you don’t want to experience that again?
Let me help you stop fearing failure and start taking action to build the life and/or business you have desired!
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