3 Simple Tips for Tackling the Worry
Worrying is a common form of self-sabotage that keeps you stuck mentally and physically.
We can get so used to certain states of mind, emotions, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. One such is worrying.
How often have you spent your productive time obsessing over a particular outcome? Worrying either your business will perform a certain result? Or the man/woman you like will feel the same about you? Or another common form of worry — finances? Or how other people will perceive and treat you?
The invisible problem of worrying
We can get so accustomed to worrying that we are almost like fish swimming in water but not understanding it is water, like in this story:
Two fish swim nearby an elder of their species, who greets them cheerfully: “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” The two fish continue swimming for a bit, and then eventually, one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the heck is water?”
We have spent so much time with this obsessive form of thinking that we don’t even notice anymore how we are engaging in it again. We believe it is our normal way of being.
“But worry is not supposed to be normal. Surrender & trust is supposed to be normal.”
The more we think in a certain way, the easier it becomes to think that way. Every time you think in a certain way, the neural connections in your brain circuits become stronger and stronger, and it becomes an automatic, habitual process to engage in that process again, even without you consciously noticing it.
The problem with worrying is that it is essentially fear-based thinking. You either worry about a specific outcome or obsess over something in the past that shouldn’t have happened or should have been different.
In a lot of cases, it is something that is not entirely under your control.
When you worry, you give life energy to fear. It clouds your mind, keeping you from creative ideas to achieve a more positive outcome.
It also blocks your ability to attract a positive outcome based on faith, love, and trust.
“What you fear, you attract.”
Here are 3 essential tips for tackling the worry:
1. Write a list of things that worry you
It is super simple — grab a piece of paper or a journal and list all the things you can think of that gives you worry daily.
Then write down next to each of those things one of these three options: let go (if you cannot control that), influence (if you can control it partially), solve (if it is entirely under your control).
It will make your mind clearer.
Awareness gives you the power to make changes.
It will help you look at those as problems to be solved (or let go off if you cannot control them) instead of being consumed by the worry with all your mind and body.
When you write something down on paper, it is almost like you give it a life on its own. In this case, it is beneficial because you detach the worry from being ingrained into your thinking.
Also, having a clear list of what you can influence and control will help you focus your effort towards controllable goals instead of spiraling into overwhelm and anxiety.
2. Surrender & build trust
Worrying is a coping mechanism that arises out of the need to be in control. When you control things, it gives you a sense of safety. And as we know, our brain and nervous system crave safety.
We worry things will not turn out as expected, meaning we will lose safety. Unexpected is not safe.
We worry about past mistakes and failures because we lose some sense of safety when things don’t turn out as planned.
What if we make this simple mindset shift “everything happens for a perfect reason in perfect timing”?
“Everything happens for a perfect reason in perfect timing.”
It might be tough to believe at first, but we can reprogram our minds to think in it because of neuroplasticity, just like we have, by default, programmed our minds to slip into worry.
Learning to let go off is one of the best mindset skills you can master in life. In Ancient Greece and Rome, the whole Stoic philosophy was based on this principle.
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will. /Epictetus/
Letting go of the things you cannot control allows you to be more at peace and happy and reclaim your power.
Often, we fanatically want to control the outcome because we fear the unknown. But what if we had more trust that things will eventually turn out for the best even if they happen differently from expected?
Instead of thinking, “the world is against me,” when things fail, you can train your mind to see that pain and failures can also serve a purpose. Often, it can be a valuable purpose.
It is not that “everything happens for a perfect reason in perfect timing” is more valid than “the world is against me.” It actually becomes true when it is the dominant thing you believe in.
The more you can let go, the more space for trust is opened up.
Often, if we struggle with trust and feel like we always need to be in control, that is a trauma response because of something that has happened in our childhood or adolescent years — for example, abandonment or betrayal by caregivers or rejection by peers. It is wise to seek a trauma-informed specialist (therapist, coach) to help you heal.
Regardless of the depth of the problem, you can use practices that help you surrender and build trust (in yourself and God), such as meditation, breathwork, and prayer. EFT Tapping is another helpful modality to work through emotions and overcome overwhelm and anxiety.
3. Focus on small steps
When you are obsessing over an outcome in the future, there are many factors involved that you also most likely cannot control.
For example, a launch of a new product or program in your business consists of the controllable goals you can do and the uncontrollable factors that involve other people, social media algorithms, etc.
Focus on the controllable actions you can take. Break down your action plan into smaller steps (daily and weekly goals), and praise yourself for achieving those.
Praise yourself for daily/weekly progress, which will raise your expectancy of a good result.
Keeping track of these daily/weekly accomplishments is a good idea. I like my Productivity Planner, which allows me to write down daily and weekly priorities and reflect on what has been achieved at the end of the day.
It will give you confidence and help build trust that you are moving toward the direction of achieving what you desire.
Even if results fail short of the desired, you will know that you did your best. Either way, you will focus more on expectancy rather than worrying.
Final Words
To sum it all up, although these tips seem simple, they are not easy. Just as you have conditioned your mind to worry for 5, 10, 20 years, or even longer, you need to give time for new neural connections to form strong links based on new types of thinking.
The less you engage in worrying, the faster those old neural connections will dissolve. The more you give time and space for activities such as prayer, meditation, breathwork, etc., to master surrender and embody trust, the stronger these new neural connections will become based on the principle “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
Learning to tackle the worry or, even better — unlearn it will help you live more in the present and have more peace, joy, positive expectations, hope, faith, and energy. This mindset change will bring better results and fulfillment in all areas of your life.
