8 Seemingly Good Habits That Are Actually Bad for Us

They are more of a self-sabotage than a beneficial tool to reach goals.

This blog post will be about eight seemingly good habits (tendencies, behaviors, mindsets) that are actually hurting us in the long term. They’re harming our personal and professional lives, happiness, and health.

Some of these behaviors are indeed praise-worthy, but at the level they are a character of a lot of the society, they have lost the healthy balance and become hurtful.

For many years I also felt like these tendencies were something to strive for, and I tried to embody them, but through the years, I have realized how they have been more of a self-sabotage that is blocking me from true fulfillment and success than beneficial tools to reach goals.

#1 — Perfectionism

The praising of external achievements from early childhood conditions us to strive for perfection. Teachers praise the students who get the highest grades (As or 10s), and parents reward their children for excelling at school. And students that fail in school get shamed. 

No wonder we subconsciously assume that striving for perfection means we’ll be loved and accepted.

The same pattern in a different outlook continues when we’re adults. Companies give weekly and monthly recognitions to employees with the highest achievements (most clients, most profit, etc.) rather than recognizing someone’s characteristics. Business coaches online boast about their 10k months and 6-figure businesses, giving a false illusion that a perfect marketing strategy will do the thing.

Perfectionism comes from a deep desire to be loved and appreciated. However, at the core of it is distorted thinking, a limiting belief that our value is based upon external achievements. So, we don’t feel good enough unless we achieve the results we believe we must. 

Feeling never good enough unless you’re perfect sooner or later in life leads to burnout, depression, anxiety, feeling of emptiness, and lack of fulfillment.

Striving for excellence is not the same as perfectionism. Striving for excellence accepts the imperfections along the road, and focuses on growth. Perfectionism sits within the safety lines until it feels like it can make no mistakes along the route.

#2 — Overworking

Any workplace would praise an employee who works extra hours. And new business owners always get inspired by success stories from those who have worked so hard that they sacrificed their sleep to achieve goals. 

While hard work is necessary and noble, it must be regularly balanced with rest for sustainability.

Lack of enough sleep, mental and emotional rest, time for hobbies, family and friends, physical exercise, etc., will worsen productivity in the long term.

Overworking is also closely related to the previous point of perfectionism. People sacrifice their physical and mental health through overworking because they think it’s the key.

More work is not always better, but smart work is a healthy balance of priorities, including proper rest.

Avoiding mistakes at all costs

Sometimes hearing about the achievements of other people around us, in society or about famous people, can leave us with the impression that they always knew how to do things well or had the perfect characteristics for achieving that from the very beginning.

Many people associate mistakes with failure and avoid trying. They procrastinate to avoid mistakes. “I’ll start when I know enough or when the circumstances will improve, etc.”

But mistakes are helpful — we can gain the necessary experience and character to reach the next level we desire. Without them, we might not even get ahead to experience the breakthrough.

No one can be so perfect to avoid mistakes in their journey.

Always needing to be positive

Have you heard these words with the sound of admiration about someone or yourself: “She/He is always so positive”?

Optimism undeniably is much better for us and our health than pessimism, but constantly suppressing emotions that are not positive because you can only be positive is harmful to us.

We need to be honest with ourselves about how we feel because only from awareness and acceptance can we change what is disempowering in our lives.

We’re humans, and that comes with the whole spectrum of emotions. Being honest with yourself about how you feel, accepting that, and solving (if you can) the reason is much healthier than toxic positivity. Toxic positivity may win the approval and acceptance of others, but it can’t sustain us in the long term.

“I can do it all” mindset

People who are always strong, unshakeable, and can do and be everything are admired in our society, which makes us feel like showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

As I mentioned, we experience a range of emotions as humans, and life is hardly ever a straight road to success with no bumps. 

Prioritize being a human over trying to be a superhuman.

Feeling like we need to be unshakeable, powerful, and capable all the time, no matter what, puts us under high, unnecessary pressure. We feel as if we cannot show moments we feel weak, ask for help, and then suppress emotions and try to do it all. 

When all that pressure and societal expectations accumulate, we hit the wall, which can be things such as anxiety, depression, burnout, lack of fulfillment, and physical sicknesses.

Pushing yourself harder

“If I can only push myself harder, then I will finally make it happen”- have you ever told yourself this?

More willpower will not solve it when it’s hard to achieve something, like a goal or change a habit. It will only exhaust you, and eventually, you may give up with the words, “It’s just not for me” or “That’s just the way I am.

You need to try again with a different strategy. You need to look at the underlying beliefs that run the show because most of what we think, feel, and do comes from subconscious programming.

95% of what we think and do comes from our subconscious programming. The will-power alone won't solve it.

Self-sacrificing

People who put the needs of others above their own also get greatly praised in society. 

While the purpose of our lives, businesses, and careers should eventually be to make this world a better place and to love and serve others, the lack of boundaries, neglect of self-care, and self-abandonment to satisfy others is not a sustainable strategy toward that goal. 

We can help others the most when we are the healthiest and happiest version of ourselves first. 

Self-care is not just some “bubbly-bathy-I-love-myself” stuff, but a real need to be able to give others the best of us.

We can help others the most when we are the healthiest and happiest version of ourselves first.

Over-explaining

When we feel like others would misunderstand us, judge us, or question why we do something, we feel the urge to over-explain and justify why we do what we do. 

And step by step, we train our minds to be dependent upon others’ opinions this way. It feels natural to have the approval of others for us to feel confident about doing something.

But the truth is, others don’t always know what is good for us. Their ideas might be utterly unaligned with our lives’ true passion and purpose. And we will only exhaust ourselves by trying to win their approval.

The need to justify yourself so you would be understood by others keeps you dependent upon others' opinions in everything you do.

This essay is a general overview of eight behaviors that can be toxic to us if we don’t follow a healthy balance. This overview was designed to raise awareness and helps us reflect on what might be hurting us more than helping. 

Ultimately, these might even be trauma responses in many cases. Or it can be just the conditioning from the parents, teachers, and society. You might want to explore more into what situations or events it all started from to help you understand where the unhealthy balance started.